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My cold has a soul - Overactive Guilt Gland, Underactive Drive
2013 January 6th
03:25 pm
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My cold has a soul
Apparently I need a job.

I don't want a job. I wouldn't like a job. And contrary to what people may think, I did not need a job before now. I had people who would take care of me to a minimum standard, which is all a proletarian really works for in this economy. And I lack ambition, which is what middle-class people work for.

I would have benefited from a job, sure. I'd be better off. But I didn't need one desperately, and it was more attractive to blow all that off. So jobs I had I tended to quit pretty quickly.

But now, yeah, I'm probably going to end up living on the streets or something. Where I can't access my habit (the internet) that tends to get in the way of living the healthy life I'm not living. I wondered about just throwing out my computer. But the last thing I thought I could do for a living involved it.

I've been thinking about why the idea of work is so disgusting to me, but I can read message board threads for hours. I think it's about a mix of stimulation and control. A mix I don't expect to find in any job.

Another thing: Don't tell me to continue my education. I'm almost 40, and if I couldn't hack it when I was younger, I'm certainly not going to be capable now. I am an old dog who can't learn new tricks at the desired speed.

I never really understood work, nor money, nor budgets, nor how people survive. I don't suppose I ever will. It makes no more sense to me than living like a wild beast. But I don't have the patience to live like a wild beast.

So, yeah, apparently I need a job.

(3 comments | comment)

[User Picture]
Date:2013 January 9th 02:57 am (UTC)
And I never understood relying on someone else for something I could do or get for myself.

Liking your work is neither promised or required.

You've had a unique situation that you haven't HAD to work, and rather than use it to work lightly your whole life, you've used it to be idle for a large chunk of time. This is going to make the work you do now harder to find, harder to do, and harder to adjust your brain to. I suppose a technical/vocational school is an option - to learn a skill - but that usually takes capital to begin.
[User Picture]
Date:2013 January 11th 02:03 am (UTC)
If you end up living on the streets, it will be no one's fault but your own, both in the immediate sense and in the long-term sense. You've missed a few key things over the years that have piled up to put you in the situation that you're in now. I'll go ahead and enumerate them for you, so that maybe, somehow, they'll click now that you need them, instead of not clicking when they're put more subtly for years.

1) You have needed a job, fairly desperately, for years. It has only not been absolutely required due to peoples' willingness to assist you in getting back on your feet... except apparently, you've been more than content to just let your legs atrophy.

2) The internet can be habit-forming. I understand that better than most people, and you're well aware of that fact. You are also well aware of the fact that I am better informed than most when I say that despite the internet's habit-forming nature, that habit is not mutually exclusive with working. You can do both. In point of fact, a vast majority of people work at jobs they don't like in order to support habits that they do like (internet or otherwise). Which brings us to...

3) Jobs are not necessarily things you want or like to do. In most cases, jobs are things you don't want and especially don't like to do. You think the retail checker loves to see a bunch of surly, irritable, rude asshats trundle through her line every day? No. You think the bank teller or the car salesman is really happy to see you? No. The crossing guard might like her work... until it's 10 degrees out with a 15 mile an hour wind and she's standing there by herself in the predawn hours.

There are people who love their jobs. They are rare people who have gotten just the right mix of luck and opportunity and ended up on the right side of things. They are the exception, not the norm, and it's almost guaranteed that they spent a long time doing things they hated to get where they are now. If you want to be doing something that you love, you have to put a ton of effort into it.

Ideally, the job you get will be one that you do not hate. Not one that you like. Not one that you get up every morning going, "Woo! I get to work today!" However, neither will it be one that you loathe, nor one that you detest. It will be fun as much as irritating, and obnoxious as much as entertaining. It will pay you enough to offset the inconvenience of doing it. That's what a good job is.

You've been sitting on your ass for 40 years. You haven't built up the skillset or the record of experience that will net you a good job right off the bat unless you're extremely lucky. You have to earn it, much though that may suck sometimes.

4) The world doesn't owe you anything. It is not our collective obligation to make sure you are always happy, fed, clothed, etc. That's not to say that we don't like it when you are these things, because we do. That's why we've helped you all these years. However, in the long run, helping you has probably ended up being singularly unhelpful to you overall, as it's lead you to be in this position rather than you having to have supported yourself to begin with.

The person responsible for your happiness is not me. It's not Mom, it's not Anna, it's not Bob down the street, it's not Obama, it's not a Democrat, and it's certainly not a Republican (who don't generally care about anybody's happiness except their own, regardless of whether or not they should). It's you. You are personally responsible for your own pursuit of happiness. If you're not willing to chase it, then nobody else is going to catch it and hand it over to you.

[User Picture]
Date:2013 January 11th 02:03 am (UTC)
5) 40 is too old for going back to school, huh? You realize that Mom was 37 when she went back to school, and maintained a 4.0 for the entire time, despite having to take care of three children (Danika was 2 when she went in) plus Dad (who counts as a fourth) and working part-time on top of that? My current roommate is roughly the same age, and is going back to get a business degree, living off the disbursement he gets from the school, as he doesn't currently have a job either.

You're single, childless, and currently don't have a job to interfere. Woe is you that you might possibly have to put forth some effort to study and learn, and adhere to a schedule and make an effort. Woe that you might have to find a roommate willing to work out a deal similar to that that I have with Brandon, wherein he uses what resources he has and I take up the slack to provide the rest.

6) You are not a shining snowflake. Up until now, you've been living by taking advantage of other people's generosity, be it Grandma's, Mom's, the system's, a church's, whatever. Yay you. Now you're going to have to realize that every last one of the rest of us who've been providing you with all this over the years has been paying for it by getting out of bed in the morning to do something that we don't necessarily like to do, adhering to a schedule that interferes with our doing what we want whenever we want, in order to get paid less than we think we deserve for work that we wouldn't necessarily wish on our worst enemy. You'll have to pull your own weight, just like all of the rest of us. You're smart. You're charismatic. You're perfectly capable of taking care of yourself. The only thing stopping you is that you've been telling yourself all your life that you don't have to take care of yourself, and that if something isn't fun, or if it's hard or uncomfortable, then you shouldn't have to do it.

Well, welcome to the real world, where the rest of us live. You'll get all the sympathy that the rest of us get, minus the sympathy that you've already expended by using it all up at the beginning.

Good luck.
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